最近一位育木专家（arborist）的“复仇记”火遍国外社交媒体……

我偷偷在市长家前院种了棵巨杉

他的故事大致可以用一句话概括：

“

你杀了我心爱的树，我要让你付出惨重的代价！

听起来是不是很传奇、很刺激？事情还要从3年前说起……

3年前，市议会因为他的胡椒树根系发达破坏了人行道，而下令“杀了”他心爱的树……不仅如此，还让他付钱……

他气不过，默默地利用专业知识，精心策划了一场的“复仇记”。

来看他亲自写的全过程，文笔优美，情节曲折，一口气读下来非常过瘾。

Hi, I’m an arborist. This means I am a professional in the cultivation, management, and study of trees. I love trees. I think they’re some of the most beautiful, majestic, ancient living beings on our planet.

大家好，我是一名育木专家。这就是说在种植、管理和研究树木方面，我可是专业人士。我爱树，觉得它们是我们星球上最美丽、雄伟又古老的生物。

Today I am here to tell you a story of death, new life, and revenge.

今天，我要给大家讲一个关于死亡、新生和复仇的故事。

Three years ago today, the city council of Redondo Beach California ordered the death of my 30-year-old pepper tree. It’s roots had begun to penetrate the pavement in front of my house. The city noticed and issued the death warrant of my tree. They furthermore made me pay for the damages to the sidewalk and for the tree removal.

3年前的今天，加利福尼亚雷东多海岸的市议会给我30岁的胡椒树下了“处死令”。它的根长到了我家门前的人行道上，而市议会发现后，给我的树签了处死令。这还不算，他们还让我为遭到破坏的人行道和砍树费用埋单。

I loved Clyde. I’m beginning to get older, and planting something that I knew would live well beyond my lifetime was something very special. I took very good care of him. I drained his soil, I gave him a crutch to lean on when he was a young lad, and I watched him grow. Just as Clyde was becoming a strong healthy individual, expanding his root system, developing a canopy, and making his own way in life, the mayor took it upon himself to uproot my beautiful child.

我爱克莱德。我渐渐上了年纪，种点能活得比我长的东西，这是件很特别的事儿。我特别细心地呵护它，帮它生长的土地排水，在它小的时候竖起支架让它倚靠，我看着它慢慢长大。正当克莱德要成长为一颗强壮健康的参天大树，拓展自己的根系，长出树冠，开枝散叶时，市长擅自做主，把我那漂亮的孩子连根拔起。

Mayor Steve Aspel. You killed my child.

史蒂夫•阿斯佩尔市长，你杀了我的孩子啊。

For this, you will pay. Two years and seven months ago, I secretly planted 45 California Redwoods and 82 Giant Sequoias in various parks, yards, and state properties around your city.

为此，你要付出代价。两年零七个月前，我在这座城市的公园、庭院和公共区域等角角落落，偷偷种下了45棵加州红杉和82棵巨杉。

Today, each of their root systems will be at least 30 feet in diameter, and deeply embedded in the soil. You may have noticed the trees growing in front of city council, or that new one that sprouted up in your backyard. That’s a Giant Sequoia, and its growth will begin accelerating rapidly in the coming months.

如今，它们的根系直径至少已经有30英尺（约9米）了，而且深深扎根土壤之中。你可能已经注意到长在市议会前面的树，或者你家后院萌芽的新树了。那是棵巨杉，在接下来的几个月中，它将飞快生长。

You killed Clyde, but I have replaced him with over 100 living giants. And giant they will become. In a few years, they’ll begin breaking heights of 100-300 feet and live well beyond 2,500 years. That’s way longer ago than Jesus was born. To remove even one of them at this point will cost well over $1500… And I’m stiffing you with the bill, just like you did to me 3 years ago today.

你杀了克莱德，但是我用100多棵“活巨人”替代了它，它们都将变得巨大无比。在未来几年里，它们会长到100-300英尺（约30-90米）高，能活2500多年，比耶稣出生到现在的时间还要久。现在哪怕想铲除一棵，花费也要超过1500美元……你必须得为此买单，就像你3年前的今天对我所作的那样。

Good day to you, sir. May your city be overrun by trees. And may Clyde rest in peace.

先生，祝你有美好的一天；祝你的城市树木泛滥成灾。克莱德安息吧。

这篇一气呵成的文章写完后，这位育木专家还继续补刀，分享了一张巨杉照片……如果你对他种的树没啥概念，那么就看看这张照片……

这大概就是市长家后院以后的样子吧……

这可能是双语君（微信ID：Chinadaily_Mobile）听过的最别致的复仇了……

这么一篇文采飞扬、行云流水、情节曲折的文章迅速走红网络，引发大量评论。

一部分网友为他的机智点赞，直呼“杉树万岁”……

杉树万岁。

倒下一棵树，45棵树将站起来！克莱德万岁！

JoeBobBriggs：

The giant Sequoia is protected by federal law. So those trees are staying for good.

巨杉受到联邦法律的保护，所以这些树会永远保留下来。

NickBlacksHumor：

Super villains are real. I love it.

超级大坏蛋真的存在哎。爱死了。

但是，也有网友担心如果这些树真的肆意生长，会带来很大破坏。

SirArthurIV2：

This is kind of like…really really slow terrorism. It will cause property damage, and cost a lot of money to fix. Like a 30 year timebomb.

这有点像……特别特别缓慢的恐怖主义。这会造成财产破坏，需要花好大一笔钱去修。就像是个30年的定时炸弹一样。

ShootYourGooMyDude：

Once it spreads outside of your property I have no sympathy. Pepper tree roots are invasive and destructive.

一旦它长得超出你家院子，我就不同情你了。胡椒树根是很有攻击性和破坏力的。

机智的小伙伴们，对于这出“复仇记”，你怎么看？

编辑：唐晓敏